Wednesday happenings and planning for Thursday

This morning I was back at my doc's to see him, get labs and platelet transfusion. My platelets were down to 2000. Friday I am set up to get two units of them to help get me through the weekend. My neutrophils were 0.6, and they seem to be holding. Keeping my fingers crossed.

So tomorrow is HAIR day. I have had very long hair for over 25 years. My hair is part of who I am. It's sometimes hard for people with shorter hair to understand this. Losing my hair is something that is going to happen with the chemotherapy I get before the transplant. I know I would not deal very well with hunks of my long hair falling out. Some people suggested getting my head shaved before the hair loss, but that didn't sound like something that would work for me.

DD#2 has hair long enough to sit on. She has been wanting to get her hair cut. A while back we decided that once my donor got activated, we would both get our hair cut to donate to Locks of Love. If you are not familiar with this organization they provide wigs to children who have lost their hair. It is a very worthwhile organization and I feel like I can do some good by having my hair cut. My niece used to be a hairdresser. She has cut hair for Locks of Love before and she is going to cut our hair tomorrow. I will also be getting what's left of my hair permed and highlighted with true red.

A little while ago Mike was checking with me about tomorrow's schedule. (We live by what's in my Palm PDA these days.) There's a doctor appointment at 9:00. I mentioned that, and then Mike said, "You're going to get your hair chopped off afterwards, right?" Oh my goodness. I wasn't ready to hear it in those terms. It's been a couple of hours since that conversation. I've had a sick feeling ever since. I literally feel it in my stomach.

So I've been thinking about it and doing deep breathing. I know my hair is going to fall out. I know I want to take this opportunity to do something for someone else. Why do I feel sick about it? Logically, I know it is because my hair is part of who I am. Cutting it off is the equivalent of losing a limb for me. I also know it is trivial in the grand scope of everything else that is going on now. And it's not really like losing a limb, as it will grow back out. I guess I have not gotten as psyched up for this as I thought I had. I'm thinking I will have a good cry tonight and get it out of my system. Then I will do a nice meditation and focus on both helping a child and my own great big, beautiful tomorrow.

So goodnight for now. Tomorrow I will report back as the New Me!