03 June 2009

Wednesday happenings and planning for Thursday

This morning I was back at my doc's to see him, get labs and platelet transfusion. My platelets were down to 2000. Friday I am set up to get two units of them to help get me through the weekend. My neutrophils were 0.6, and they seem to be holding. Keeping my fingers crossed.

So tomorrow is HAIR day. I have had very long hair for over 25 years. My hair is part of who I am. It's sometimes hard for people with shorter hair to understand this. Losing my hair is something that is going to happen with the chemotherapy I get before the transplant. I know I would not deal very well with hunks of my long hair falling out. Some people suggested getting my head shaved before the hair loss, but that didn't sound like something that would work for me.

DD#2 has hair long enough to sit on. She has been wanting to get her hair cut. A while back we decided that once my donor got activated, we would both get our hair cut to donate to Locks of Love. If you are not familiar with this organization they provide wigs to children who have lost their hair. It is a very worthwhile organization and I feel like I can do some good by having my hair cut. My niece used to be a hairdresser. She has cut hair for Locks of Love before and she is going to cut our hair tomorrow. I will also be getting what's left of my hair permed and highlighted with true red.

A little while ago Mike was checking with me about tomorrow's schedule. (We live by what's in my Palm PDA these days.) There's a doctor appointment at 9:00. I mentioned that, and then Mike said, "You're going to get your hair chopped off afterwards, right?" Oh my goodness. I wasn't ready to hear it in those terms. It's been a couple of hours since that conversation. I've had a sick feeling ever since. I literally feel it in my stomach.

So I've been thinking about it and doing deep breathing. I know my hair is going to fall out. I know I want to take this opportunity to do something for someone else. Why do I feel sick about it? Logically, I know it is because my hair is part of who I am. Cutting it off is the equivalent of losing a limb for me. I also know it is trivial in the grand scope of everything else that is going on now. And it's not really like losing a limb, as it will grow back out. I guess I have not gotten as psyched up for this as I thought I had. I'm thinking I will have a good cry tonight and get it out of my system. Then I will do a nice meditation and focus on both helping a child and my own great big, beautiful tomorrow.

So goodnight for now. Tomorrow I will report back as the New Me!
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Joe and Michele said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your dilemma. Your beauty far surpasses your hair. However you decide to proceed will be fine. Sending Harliquin blue thoughts your way.
-Joe of Joe & Michele

Kelly said...

When I see someone whom I can tell is going through chemo, I don't see a lack of hair... the only thing that shines through is the innate strength it takes to keep going. It is, in my mind, an immensely beautiful thing.

It's just a thought.

ChristopherM said...

I think what is brilliant about what you are doing is that rather than sitting back and allowing hair loss show up as a symbol of your illness, you are being proactive and making your change in hair a symbol of the beginning of your path back to good health. I absolutely love it. And I bet you'll look fantastic!

Joanie said...

Oh Becky! I know it's hard to lose your hair. I had to lose mine as a child, and again a few years ago before my bone marrow transplant. I have to tell you though; as much as I loved my hair, I felt good with no hair. My family and friends thought I looked pretty cute; and actually I felt like I did too. lol. You'll be okay; and soon you will be growing your hair long again. It all happens so fast. Hang in there, you are doing great!
hugs, Joanie

Anonymous said...

I love your idea of changing your hair and it does grow back quite quickly. When I lost mine it was long and I wish I had gotten it cut before chemo. No matter what you are beautiful and I can already see the strength that you have. God bless you and Good Luck!

Cora @ Cora Cooks said...

Platelets, blood, bone marrow and hair. Thank goodness there are people to share what we need, when we need it. You are one in a million! Can't wait to see the new do, on the same beautiful you!